Second Fiddle | Author:
Triana | Fandom:
w-inds./GacktJOB | Rating:
PG | Summary:
You know what? I'm not even going to summarize this; it defies summarization. | Warnings:
Not beta'ed. Crack. Pure, undiluted, undistilled crack. See part 0 for explanation of sorts. | Disclaimer: The disclaimer is here
....I hereby acknowledge that I have read and agree to the previous statements.
There. A sense of finality came over him as he put his signature on the application. Official Sidekick, the application said. Well, Second Fiddle, but Official Sidekick sounded so much better to Keita's way of thinking.
He sat back in his chair and absently gnawed on the cap of his pen as he daydreamed, scenes of glory going through his mind: saving the world time and again, rescuing old ladies and kittycats from trees--hopefully not at the same time, being known the world over as The Magnum's trusty sidekick. Super Lover. Truly a once in a lifetime opportunity, this was; it wasn't every day that a superhero of The Magnum's caliber decided he wanted a sidekick, and it certainly wasn't every day that a superhero of The Magnum's caliber decided to let the Pryce Park Police Department handle the application process. Hell, there usually wasn't even an application process. Sidekicks normally just sort of happened by, or so Keita supposed, and nobody ever told him otherwise. But no sidekick who just happened by would be good enough for a superhero of The Magnum's caliber, no way. This was The Magnum,
a sidekick for him
had to be just right in every way.
Ow. He sat up straight as a sudden pain in his lower back interfered with his fantasies. Police office room chairs were not meant for idle daydreaming while waiting for one's name to be called, Keita thought as he shifted positions and made himself a little more comfortable. No sense being in pain while waiting for his name to be called.
He was alert and attentive for some little time, a few minutes perhaps, before daydreams claimed him again. Being The Magnum's sidekick meant so much more than glory, really. If he got any glory, which might not happen, he admitted. The Magnum was the superhero, and rightfully so--if Keita got the job he'd only be Second Banana. Second Bananas tended to stay out of the limelight. But! It meant knowing all about The Magnum, being privy to his secrets and habits, finding out everything, even what kind of cereal The Magnum ate for breakfast. Would The Magnum even eat cereal, or was he strictly an eggs and toast kind of superhero? And not to mention what he looked like...out of uniform, so to speak. He'd have to be buff, Keita knew. He'd seen The Magnum once or twice upon a time, and he was pretty sure there was no stuffing in that man's spandex. Stuffing tended to bunch up and look awful, but The Magnum never looked awful. He never could, Keita figured, maybe it was against some sort of superhero code of honor or something. Come to think of it, superheroes generally had to be attractive, too, didn't they? You couldn't have a buff superhero with an ugly face, could you? Of course not. It simply wasn't done. But what about sidekicks, did they have to be good looking too? Probably. Keita frowned. Was he pretty enough to be a sidekick? He knew girls thought he was cute, and some guys too, which usually pleased him more than he'd let on, but were his looks sidekick material?
Keita jerked, startled, and found himself on his feet with absolutely no recollection of standing up. No time to worry about his looks right now, it was time to go in and see...whoever. He didn't know which cop had been given the honor of handling The Magnum's sidekick applicants. Supplicants? Something. He stepped through the open office doorway as directed and as the door somehow closed behind him Keita found himself enclosed in a small room with the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen in his life.
Beautiful green eyes, creamy smooth skin, medium brown hair that flopped adorably over and into his eyes...definitely shower jerkoff-fantasy material. Fantasy material anytime, truth be told, Keita had to admit as he stood and stared stupidly.
The vision raised an immaculately groomed eyebrow that matched his dyed hair. "Keita Tachibana?"
God, the man even had a gorgeous voice.
Keita resisted melting into a puddle on the floor. Barely.
Hey, wait a minute. The voice had asked him something, hadn't it? "Y-yes," Keita said uncertainly, mentally kicking himself. The man in charge of seeing whether or not Keita got to be an Official Sidekick had asked him something and he had no idea what. Pay attention, you dolt!
"Yes," he said again, this time more sure of himself.
"You sure about that?" The eyebrow rose still higher.
"Yes," Keita replied confidently, having replayed the conversation in his mind and thus knowing what he'd been asked. Surely he knew who he was. Didn't everybody tend to know who they were? Really. He scoffed inwardly, maintaining his smiling façade.
The man sighed almost unnoticeably and sat forward in his seat. "Let's get this over with. My name's Gackt; I'll be the one who decides whether or not you're worthy of The Magnum's consideration."
The theme from Jaws suddenly began playing in Keita's head. Stupid mental jukebox.
"I'll tell you right now that if you make it to the next round of interviews, you'll be the first to have done so. I'm sure you understand that a superhero of The Magnum's caliber cannot afford to have a lousy sidekick if he is to have one at all. I'm told he would rather have no sidekick at all than one he would possibly deem unfit in any form, therefore I must be as strict as is humanly possible. It's quite a bit like enlisting in the army: I will use all means at my disposal, both fair and unfair, to determine whether or not you've got what it takes. Half of the applicants I've seen couldn't even make it past the questioning, the rest failed the first physical test." Gackt rolled his eyes.
Keita swallowed. Hard. "I understand, sir."
Gackt glanced at Keita for the briefest of moments. "No, you don't. Not yet. But you will."